What's my age again?

Ah, how we all regularly think back and realise how quickly time has elapsed. This time two years ago I was ranting on about being on my last day of fifteen-dom and how I had it all, things were the best. I had hoped I was to preserve my childhood despite being the arbitrary transitional age of sixteen presenting itself as a weird tangent where one cannot be neither child nor adult. Anyway, wow two years since that entry. How about now, on my eve of my eighteenth birthday?

First off, I would like to finally say that I have been putting off listening to Alice Cooper's I'm Eighteen until I finally turn eighteen, because then eponymously the song will mean something to me. I probably will put it on repeat all day tomorrow and drill into my head a feeling of misdirection and lack of enthusiasm lol. Good song though.

Let me look back on the past year. I can fairly divide it, maybe 60:40 or 70:30 into bad times and good times, generally with the first ratio of the year being bad times and the second ratio being better times. For the longest time, I felt that I was in a real slump in all facets of life. I was not living up to expectation at school, I was a lazy slob (well still am haha), I felt really alone most of the time because I was increasingly getting distant from people, all of which cumulated to a pretty shitty state of mind. Gradually I suppose things improved, especially of late. Getting over the line for school, hopefully making myself remembered as the sneaker guy/photographer/god of English (loljoke), somewhat exercising again, and slowly reconnecting with people. I do not really know, it is still very much a gradual journey for me. I think I am not adequately expressing this through words right now, but I guess it will have to do for now.

Do I look forward to being eighteen? I am looking more forward to receiving my D700+lens than turning into a legal adult. Hell, I am not even doing anything tomorrow to celebrate. I was gonna have pho, but nooo that is not happening. Other people that have turned eighteen seem to be embracing it. You know, the usual clubbing and drinking. Honestly, I do not want to be a part of that. I fail to see the attraction. Especially the drinking. After a nasty incident (ask me on msn), I vowed to not drink. I plan to not break that. Well, maybe a champagne when I get married or something, but no social drinking. Besides, I like coffee, tea and soft/energy drinks too much to take a dip into alcohol. Anyway, off topic there. I do not wish to drink because I wish to be in control of any situation I am in. Not to be controlling of others per se, but to not land myself into shit that I could do were I to be under the influence.

Tomorrow when I wake up, I probably will not feel eighteen. But one thing I am looking forward to - and it may sound rather stupid - is shaving for the first time. Sure, I could have shaved my wispy Asian mo off ages ago, but I always joked about not shaving it until I was eighteen, so I could be a real man. I suppose I held onto that joke for long enough, and I can finally shave my face. Vlog of me shaving tomorrow?

I do not really have much thought about turning eighteen, thus this entry being shorter than I had initially planned. But I will finish off with a reminiscence from when I was a little child. I never imagined one day being eighteen. It seemed an eternity away. Sorta miss that time, when I had not a care in the world. A time when I did not bury myself in walls of sneakers, a quest for photographic and literary perfection nor a gradual fight to win her over. Well, here I am.

I'm eighteen and I don't know what I want.